


Angel’s Sonder || Yoonbae

by Haohaocity



Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:55:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29972874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haohaocity/pseuds/Haohaocity
Summary: Bae Jinyoung didn't see anything when he died. Everything was silent and black. He didn't see the gates of heaven, or an angel waiting to take him onto his next life like he had expected. Just black.
Relationships: Bae Jinyoung/Yoon Hyunsuk
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Angel’s Sonder || Yoonbae

Before their eyes, is you. Breathing. Breathing like you don't want to be.

**I want to live without having to breathe**

All around you is water. Cold but comforting

**Why is everything always so cold outside? I can't feel anything when it's cold.**

Inside you are memories. One's that don't feel good to recall.

**How can I live with myself after what I did?**

Pouring into the water, is red.

**Tell Mom I love her. Jia too. And don't forget Grandma as well.**

Inside you are lungs. Gasping for air

**We accept the love we think we deserve. I didn't accept anything. No matter how badly I wanted to.**

Voices. Faint ones, but you can still hear them.

**It's funny how you don't notice how beautiful things are until it's time for you to stop seeing them... I wish I knew that earlier. But it's too late now. I must go.**

Muffled bangs. Mind... hazy. Where are you?

**I've had a headache for a year now. When do you think it would have stopped if I didn't do this?**

Vision black.

**I love you. Goodbye... I'm sorry**

Most people don't know what it feels like to experience the process that is known as death. Because if they do, they are probably are no longer with us. Perhaps their existence came to end and their entire life story washed away in the shores of the seas wrote about in high school history books that no student actually reads. Or maybe they slipped into a different state of consciousness when they finally reached the white light, appearing as a small unimportant insect somewhere in a different country or planet.

Jinyoung didn't see anything when he died. Everything was silent and black. He didn't see the gates of heaven, or an angel waiting to take him onto his next life like he had expected to. Just black.

But maybe that's because they brought him back. He didn't actually die. It was only for thirty seconds. Much to his dismay.

His boyfriend's lips had hit his immediate after yanking him out of the red tinted water of the bathtub, pushing air into his lungs, and pumping his chest with his palms. His best friend pushed down on his bloody wrists and shook his leg, yelling at him to wake up. One final desperate pound against him made his entire body spring up in a swift motion and water started to pull out his lungs in coughs. His throat burned and his chest hurt as air cascaded into him for the first time in minutes.

"Why?!? Hyung why?" his lover cried when he had hunched over his lap, choking out the clear liquid from his throat and grasping the fabric of the boy's black sweatpants. "Don't do that again! I thought you were leaving me! You promised you would never do that!"

His entire body hurt and he felt lightheaded. He remembers reading somewhere that when someone tries to commit suicide they can only comprehend and think of a few logical scenarios of what it could cause, opposed to what usually was hundreds in the sane, not self murdering mind. He still could only think of maybe three. But they all seemed useless and bothersome. He should have died and stayed that way.

He remembers sitting on his hospital bed, boyfriend who had never left his side since finding him both drowning and bleeding out in their shared apartment's bathtub, sleeping with puffed cheeks and swollen eyes, covered with tried tears and the same pair of clothes he had been wearing for the past two days. His hair was turned and twisted in every direction imaginable and he looked exhausted. He wouldn't leave. He was wrapped around his body dressed in a hospital gown, afraid he'd try to leave him again.

"I thought you were happy." He had asked, while stoking his wounded arm, frown and none stopping tears present. "Was it's me? Did I make you sad Hyung?"

"Never."

"Then what did?"

"Everything else."

Jinyoung pried Hyunsuk's arms off him and gotten out the small cramped hospital bed, cords connected to him dragging behind, looking out the hospital window at the recent memory that caused guilt to burn holes into his skin.

He wanted to go home.

It was night then. The city glow shown back at him and he could almost hear the honks and beeps of taxis and buses hundreds of feet below him. He was exhausted. Even looked out a window hurt.

He wanted to go back in time to two days before in the apartment's bathroom and lock the door before he had sunk himself under the cold water, fully clothed. White button up, black slacks and all. Or spend less time looking at the light blue-grey tiles on the walls surrounding him.

Was he considered part Angel now? He had technically died, his had heart stopped. Maybe he was a zombie, he sure felt like one. Or he was just a pathetic boy that couldn't keep his stress under control after graduating high school.

"Do you know what Sonder means?" Asked a voice from behind him.

The boy turned, meeting the doctor who had taken care of him.

"No sir."

"It's meant to realize that every person you walk by has a life as awful and complex as your own. Every single one.

"Oh."

"You need to experience it."

Jinyoung gazed back at his sleeping boyfriend. He even looked hurt in his sleep.

"I'll try my best Doctor.”


End file.
